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nobody gives a... >> jon: did he sign your yearbook afterwards? >> yeah. >> jon: wow. you're in love. we tried desperately. this is so interesting that you bring this up. we tried desperately to get ryan goesling. we wanted him desperately for this movie. he's the guy that we really wanted. we called the publicist of the movie and the director and we said, boy, ryan goesling looks great in this. can he come do the show, and they said, well, i think only one guy from the movie, and we go, yeah, no, can we get ryan? and... [laughter] so your new movie is a comedy about love. are you all right? [laughter] >> i forgive you. >> jon: do you? >> i do. jon june you know what, i've been waiting ten years to hear those words. >> remember that thing? >> jon: we were just talking about. this we should do a reunion and get everybody together. >> i think that's a great idea. i would love to. [cheering and applause] >> jon: and have a huge... hold on. a huge untelevised party. [laughter] televised party and then here's what i was thinking of doing, all the old correspondents and i pi
nobody gives a... >> jon: did he sign your yearbook afterwards? >> yeah. >> jon: wow. you're in love. we tried desperately. this is so interesting that you bring this up. we tried desperately to get ryan goesling. we wanted him desperately for this movie. he's the guy that we really wanted. we called the publicist of the movie and the director and we said, boy, ryan goesling looks great in this. can he come do the show, and they said, well, i think only one guy from the movie,...
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: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and honored that you would here today. i just wanted to thank you personally for not just your heroism but just your service, which is extraordinary in and of itself. i thank you so much for being here. do you have a couple minutes? we'll talk a little bit. we're going to throw it up on the web, the second part. we're going to stay here. it's just an honor to see you, sir. sergeant first class leroy petry. we're going to you could save a bundle with geico's multi-policy discount. geico, saving people money on more than just car insurance. ♪ geico, saving people money on more than just ca
: you applied your own tourniquet. >> yes. >> jon: and stayed in command of... wow. i mean, i'm honestly speechless. it's a remarkable story, and the one thing, as remarkable as the heroism in that is, is your remarkable heroism and your brothers and all the service people, as extraordinary as your acts were, what's really extraordinary is your ordinary service, the six tours in afghanistan and the two tours in iraq and all that you've done without commendation. i'm so pleased and...
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>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an illegal immigrant. my original guest was the american whose job he stole. who has two thumbs and is incredibly bad at gesturing at himself? this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central [theme song playing] [cheering and applause] >> stephen: thank you for joining us, everybody. [audience chanting "stephen"] oh, that's nice. thank you for joining us. you know, once these people... once these people start chanting my name, you can't stop them. [laughter] folks, i want to say hello to everybody watching in america, especially to our viewers in italy. wel
>> jon: that's our show. join us next week at 11:00. here it, is your moment of zen. >> this is the last time that there's ever going to be harry potter film premier. it's like the end of an era. >> oh, my gosh, i'm so >> stephen: tonight, will a scandal bring down rupert murdoch? no. then a new threat from gitmo detainees. if they get any more dangerous, we might have to charge them with something. and my guest is jose antonio vargas, who recently admitted being an...
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Jul 20, 2011
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name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the police to cover it up. has unfortunately turned ugly. (laughter) as of now, london's two top policemen at scotland yard let's call them officer blu rotton has resigned. andrew colton has been arrested and sunday tragically authorities arrested poor mrs. weasley. (laughter) wait, no that's not mrs. weasley. sorry, tragically, authorities arrested the guy from simply red. yeah, that's it. actually, arrested was rebekah brooks, the woman who ran "news of the world" during the worst of-- as the british call them-- the troubles. (lau
name is jon stewart. big show. big, big, big, big, big show. our guests tonight, we have on tonight's program pakistan's former president pervez musharraf. my guess is we'll have a delightful beverage and a lovely conversation. (cheers and applause) so let's begin tonight with the on going "news of the world" phone hacking scandal. to get you caught up, a seemingly simple story. ma and pa owned newspaper hacking into a murdered little girl's phone and... (laughter). ... paying the...
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( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by test. >> stephen: tonight, is there too much money in politics? nope. then everyone's talking about the news corp. phone hacking scandal. i foe because i checked their voice-mails. and my guest john prendergast is here to talk about the two-week old nation of south sudan. i will ask how long till it loses that new country smell. congratulations to the japanese's women soccer team for rescuing america from the brink of caring about soccer. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) (cheers and applause) >> stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! (cheers and applause) >> stephen: thank you very much! welcome to the report. thank you so much. good to you have with us. nation, you know i love a summer blockbuster weekend. i took the kids, brought our own snacks, quick tip, don't let the theatres g
( cheers and applause ) >> jon: that's our show. join us tomorrow night at 11:00. here it is your moment of zen. captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by test. >> stephen: tonight, is there too much money in politics? nope. then everyone's talking about the news corp. phone hacking scandal. i foe because i checked their voice-mails. and my guest john prendergast is here to talk about the two-week old nation of south sudan. i will ask how long till it loses that new...
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broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that. corruption of your national institutions have got enyou don't, haven't they, chappy? >> jon: only a trusted friend could through perhaps a comparative back and forth put my troubles in perspective. i think that would be -- >> have no fear ♪ ♪ england's here ♪ to make you feel ♪ a ittle etter ♪. >> jon: what, what just happened to your con son ants. >> we took them hem when we're elping eople. >> jon: that's charming. i think are you in own your head, quite frankly. we have real trouble in this country. >> right, jon, what would england know about a dying empire with rotting institutions. well, let
broke, unemployed shall, endlessly deployed. >> jon, jon, jon, you're hurting. i know that. >> jon: wow!, john oliver, how did you get here? >> jon, i got here the way the british people who bring comfort have traveled for hundreds of years. a magic cloak and umbrella. that is how i got here. (applause) >> how do i get here every day. >> jon: yeah. i guess you saw, i was away for a week, i come back. the news is just bleak and i'm in a bad way. >> i saw that....
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. >> jon: that's our show. tomorrow night at 11:00, steve carell will be here. here is your moment of zen. >> i'm hanging around with my captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody! change for joining us. (crowd chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) nicely done. nicely done. yes. thank you so much. welcome to the "report," everybody. thank you for joining us. thank you in here; out there. and, folks, this crawl down here is my way of thanking these heroes for donating to my super pac. each and every one of them is as precious to me as one of my children who has given money to me. (laughter) folks, this year colbert nation is going to be a player in the election. now, i'm on record as saying i think newt gingrich is the guy. (laughter) but i think i may have to eat a little crow. or whatever it is that newt's been eating. (laughter) i'm going to say oreo cakesters. (laughter) the former speaker of the house announced his candidacy back in may and he hasn't been seen much si
. >> jon: that's our show. tomorrow night at 11:00, steve carell will be here. here is your moment of zen. >> i'm hanging around with my captioning sponsored by comedy central ( theme song playing ) (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the "report," everybody! change for joining us. (crowd chanting "stephen") (cheers and applause) nicely done. nicely done. yes. thank you so much. welcome to the "report," everybody. thank you for joining...